Not the chupacabra! NOT THE CHUPACABRA!


First in a series of classic DiD moments...from slightly off the beaten path.


Every now and then, along comes a DiD scene that goes all in for the prize in one or more ways, but that never quite ends up with the recognition it deserves. Subjective though that assessment will always be, we're here to celebrate those moments with you, our loyal visitors. Got a favorite underappreciated scene? Point us toward it, and if we like the cut of your jib enough to feature it, you can expect to see a subscription credit in your mailbox (once we're in beta, that is).

Today we call your attention to Chupacabra Terror, a 2005 Syfy original film which you may know instead (though probably not!) as Chupacabra: Dark Seas. As Wikipedia reminds us, "Scott Weinberg from DVD Talk called the film 'hilarious' writing, 'Every conceivable component of the movie—the comically amateurish acting performances, the head-slappingly stupid screenplay, the dry-as-paint directorial approach, the gore-soaked "guy in a rubber suit" monster, the goofball CGI cruise ship used in the various establishing shots—just screams of accidental entertainment.'"

And while we think that might be a bit harsh with respect to one of those silly B movies that is well aware that it's a silly B movie and seems perfectly happy in its own rubber skin, we can confirm that we were entertained, accidentally or otherwise.

So here's vivacious Vancouverite Chelan Simmons—and also Chelan Simmons's boobs, which may or may not have their own agent—giving it 120%. As a bonus, that guy who's using her as chupacabra bait? Yes, that is the singular Giancarlo Esposito, already well into his career but not exactly the Gus Fring evil-genius archetype in this one, y'know?

In fact, that "Be quiet! No one will hear you!" admonition on "Dr. Peña's" part turns out to be about as well considered as the rest of his master plan, and that "thump...thump...THUMP" we hear in the distance is either an approaching lizard-beast or the sound of a hundred of our fellow DiD fans smacking their heads against their computer screens and yelling, "Why the hell didn't you just gag her already?"

Because then she wouldn't get rescued and the chupacabra would eat her, you heartless monsters. Besides: when one door closes, sometimes another opens. For those who can find room in their kinky little hearts for the Scream Queen Olympics, we give you Ms. Chelan Simmons, contestant for the ages.

Not the chupacabra! NOT THE CHUPACABRA!

  • Chupacabra Terror (2005)
    Chelan Simmons

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